REASON #83 NOT TO BRING WINTHROP BACK TO NEW YORK CITY WITH ME: The insufferable wind.

Most of you who have known me throughout the years know that I have a certain affinity for a dog who is living in New Hampshire right now. His name is Winthrop and he is one of the most relaxed and laid back dogs I've ever seen... until someone mentions food around him. Then, all bets are off as he will not shut up until you feed his barking trap. I still love him deeply in spite of his dinnertime manners, and I have wanted to bring him back to the city since Kathy left.

Well, today, I was walking down Broadway, and the wind was swirling and extremely heavy, not a unique windy day by any means. As I was walking, I saw a cute little dachshund on a leash who was walking beside an extremely HOT woman. Me, being the absolute tool that I am, paid little attention to the woman as I stared at the short, brown-haired dachshund who was clearly scared about something. I wasn't sure what it was, until I bent down to pet him. As soon as I tried to, a gust of wind blew from the north and literally blew this dachshund about 10 feet, knocking his ass over and rolling him down the street. I wish I could say that I was joking, but I literally saw this dog blow down the street. And he was howling and hooting PLEADING to his airhead owner to STOP THE DAMN STRETCH LEASH CONTROL. FINALLY, the brainiac woman got the idea to STOP this leash 10 feet away, but when she did, I looked up at her as if to say... "your dog just blew down the street while you watched. I hope he's not bulimic like you, honey."

Dachshunds need better aerodynamics.